Since I believe that "T" is not actively seeking recovery from this trauma, I don't know where he stands. But, can I trust myself? All of my siblings were damaged while I was unsuspecting. Is my brother a pedophile? Now that there are children involved, when does it become my responsibility to ask? Do I ask his wife what she knows? I don't think that his children are in danger today, right at this moment. I'd like to say I've gotten through my anger, but I'm not so sure. My husband always comes and he knows the entire story, but still.
I feel like I can't relax - like my children are in a room full of knives. If I am so important, if they want me around, then why am I not treated with more respect? Plus, I cannot, not even for a minute, take my eyes off my children when we're around them. what do you have going on." They complain about their children never having playmates - how my children should come over so they can play, but yet they've chosen to home-school. If I say, "I can't come to the party," it's met with, "Why not. I'm not asked to meet on common ground - it's his way, period. Any relationship I ever try to create with him is completely one-sided. Once, when someone called him a narcissist, I looked up the definition of NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), and felt that maybe he might meet that description - always the victim regardless of the situation, incapable of seeing someone else's point of view, catastrophically damaged at a very young age to the point of fracture. I often feel as if my brother is incapable of empathy. but I just cannot seem to put my finger on it. I feel that my brother might be damaged, and I know that a healthy woman doesn't marry a damaged man. the things I speak in love that get distorted, twisted, turned and then gossiped about. She's got this insincere kindness upfront, but then I get wind of the gossip. I take over hand-me-down clothes for her kids that my children have outgrown. "T"'s wife is still passive-aggressive, still has no girlfriends, still makes these horribly mean jabs just under her breath. They're all in their mid- to late 20s now. Nobody is in therapy, not even "T." I've asked my other siblings about it to the point that I've been told to back off. The family continues to go on partying together. They've had two children in the past three years. He said that he was actively working on his issues with a therapist, and that he'd never have children if he thought he himself was a threat.
I asked if he was considering having children. well, there's so much that nobody was saying. Everyone laughs, sings, parties together. On the outside, everyone looks so put together. I was still wrestling with my anger with "T," my own feelings of worthlessness for not having protected my siblings, and my anger with my dad for just having another cocktail with all of the craziness. a woman who seems fine on the outside, but almost as if there's something stirring underneath. "T" married a woman he had dated for several years - a woman I don't like. Mind you, I once found naked photos of my father with his sister.įast-forward to 10 or 12 years later. My dad drank, but then again that had started way before any of this. It seemed that everyone I knew, every young family member, had been affected. My youngest brother started getting high at age 12, and I've never seen him sober since. Each of those siblings went on to start drinking and using drugs. Minimal, if any therapy, was received by my other siblings. Then, my other brother, age 6, said that he didn't want to talk about it. Then, my cousin said that he used to come over to her house when her dad wasn't home and asked if he could be her first kiss. My sister, age 8, then came forward and said that "T" had also been molesting her ever since she could remember. My brother, a minor himself, went into counseling. The family friend was indicted by a grand jury, and then a few days later shot himself before standing trial. "T" told everyone about how this family friend had been "raping" him for years. she had somehow connected all the dots already. This was when I was 18, the other two brothers were 10 and 12 at the time. It was found out by my mother (divorced from my father) who walked in on two of my other brothers engaged in fellatio. He would come over and they would get so sloshed together that this friend would end up spending the night. This friend had been one of our dad's drinking buddies. When I was 18, I found out that my brother (I'll call him "T") had been sexually abused for years by a family friend.